A little this, a little that

Welcome friends!

I decided to make me a blog because for one, everyone use to tell me if I made a reality show they would watch it. And for two, I just love meeting and talking to new people. I love to learn about new things and most of all I LOVE to help people. I am known as a funny girl, pretty face and big booty. Honestly I think it’s the booty they are after. JS.
I’m loved by some and hated by many JK. Do you ever feel like that or is it just me? Like no matter how much I try to get along with people I still have this feeling going through me that makes me like “I don’t think this person likes me”. Maybe it’s me with my crazy mind! Haha. Yes I am bipolar maybe that’s what makes people like me and it makes me think they don’t, or I’m just paranoid about everything! Idk, who knows.
Anyhow, I want to get real for a moment and say, I use to be in abusive relationships. If you are in a abusive relationships and need someone to talk to or to find a way out please get in touch with me. I do plan on making a spot for y’all about these real issues going on in the world. You deserve so much better, let me help you get your life back.
Also weight loss is a big one for many people. A lot of people want to lose or reshape something on their body, I can talk to y’all about what I do and other ways to lose weight.
Christmas, y’all is coming up way to fast and I don’t think I am going to have enough time though. How are y’all doing with your Christmas shopping? Have you started yet?
This leads me to work from home positions. Who needs a little extra money for the holiday shopping? I help you find different work from home options to get you a few extra spending dollars.
Also there is no telling what we might end up talking about. We shall see together!

Enjoy a new online friendship with me. We are going to be the best of online friends!!

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Poems

Separation from children

As I sit here and try to figure out,

How my world got to where it is now.

I was made to be a mother.

But why am I only raising one child.

My other children are divided by homes.

I know they miss their mother,

What child doesn’t?

Court order is I cant see my children unless their father allows it.

What type of system are you fighting for?

He’s a drug addict that’s never around to be the father.

While I sit at home depressed and crying.

Christmas came and went,

Their gifts left unopened.

Don’t you realize you are hurting them too by not letting them see me.

One day I pray they will get old enough to decide to live with me.

I know I’ve made mistakes in my life,

Who hasn’t?

All I ask is to at least let me spend some time with my children.

Let them how what a mothers love is like.

You grew up without a mother,

You know first hand what it’s like.

You also know how bad you hate her

So you are thinking my kids will be the same towards me?

You never stop to think how your plan can backfire.

When they grow up seeing you are never around for them.

Hell, my kids are growing up without a mother or father.

Don’t make our kids suffer as you did growing up.

We are suppose to do everything we can,

To give our children a better life then we had.

Why are you giving them worst?

Step up and be a father.

Forget what we are fighting about,

It have nothing to do with our children.

They need a mother and father.

So please do the right think

You are hurting our children.

Mental Illnesses

I got fired…

So this is actually my first time being fired. You know when you get that strong feeling that won’t go away. Well I’ve had that feeling since Monday. I get fired the very next day, which is Tuesday, yesterday. I’ve been working at this job as an administrative assistant for 2 years, 5 months and 2 and half hours. These people at this place had me fooled for 2 years and 1 month. Here’s the story behind that…

When I first started working at this job, I loved it!! Two months after being hired a girl in the other office moved away. So they trained me to do my job and the Data Entry job as well. I was then working from 7-5 Monday-Friday and even coming in most Saturdays and some Sundays.

We get a 30 minute lunch break, which we don’t have to clock in or out they do it for us. Which, I’ve always thought was pretty weird because I see most employees taking an hour to two hour lunches because they don’t have to clock in or out. The Plant Manager knows that these employees are doing this but nothing is ever done about it. Just like how he does payroll because he gives people 40 hours who only had 16 hour work weeks. Anyway…

After doing this other job for 2 years, I also get thrown the task of doing 2 other peoples jobs too. I am now juggling 4 people jobs. For 4 months I have been doing Four Peoples Jobs. I was so exhausted, but the Plant Manager, thinks that I still am not working enough. I work non-stop. How do I have time not to work? And that time comes, I can’t do it any longer. For many reasons; I was making to much and Medicaid got cut out. I have to get my sons medication monthly. Two prescription and he has to go to the doctor. I can’t afford the health insurance they got at work. I was having trouble with my child and the babysitter. I was tired. I didn’t see it as fair, that the Plant Managers girlfriend, which he is her boss too, and her friend, both sit in their office and play on Facebook and the web. Shoot, even the Plant Manager, has went all the way down the hall to my ex-office and had me walk all the way to his office to show me someone on our county jail website who had the same first name as me. He said, “Don’t she favor you?” I was like, Really? He really just called me into his office to look at this when we are suppose to be working? Oh, but of course, he is the Plant Manager, so he gets 4 hour lunches and gets to go home and garden and not have to do anything at all and still gets paid. Where can I find a job like that?

So I informed my boss, things are getting to be to much. My boss was already complaining to me about never having time for his office, for which he hired me for. So my boss told me to tell the Plant Manager. So I told him and he said they will figure something out. From that day one things had changed…

There was no more smiling, friendly faces. There was once, the Plant Manager, had his girlfriends friend, tell me that he said I did some wrong and will need to stay at work until it was completed. Come to find out it was not me who did it. And I told the girl, I am leaving in 5 minutes, I can’t do that task in 5 minutes time. Another time, the Plant Managers girlfriend, told me to run a packing slip, so order could go out. I did. The next morning her, her friend and their shipping boy friend, all wanted to verbally jump all over me as so as they call me in the office, everyone is talking at once. I looked at the girlfriend of the Plant Manager and I told her that she was the one that told me to put the packing slip. She looked down and said she didn’t know. So you mean to tell me, the whole time I had been working here and everyone tells me to listen to her, she has been here the longest. And she doesn’t even know what she has told me to do or is doing herself? So the wholetwo years I first started working there I never made a mistake. But then when I quit doing everyone else jobs I’m now “making mistakes’. These people!

And here we were three weeks before, auditor is coming to audit. That’s one of my jobs also, is to audit. Well funny I’ve missed like a half hour to hour and half of time, I’m getting 40 hour checks. That was the first thing that caught my eye. Then the three that hates me are being super nice. That’s the second clue. I knew something was going to happen. I figured the Plant Manager was trying to butter me up cause he didn’t want me telling the auditor things that go on there. So auditor comes and goes. Still don’t know if they passed or not.

Monday is here, after audits. The Plant Manager comes into the office I use to be in, he never comes in there after we got into it. Oh yeah, didn’t tell y’all that part. He said he would have to find a replacement if I couldn’t work until 5 everyday. 10 hours a day. No thanks. Well that was in January 2018. Here it is April and he finally fired me. So first time he’s came in there and asked what “we” were working on. Well I me and him never work on anything. My boss and I are about to work on this list that you made this way. He didn’t want to have high scrap so he through it in the department I work in. Here I come Years later, he likes me as long as I am doing everyone’s work. But once I stop doing his girlfriends work he don’t need me. Anyway, I tell him my boss and I are about to start on that list. He said okay, I’ll get with him. Nothing said the rest of the day. So he tried to start Monday but seen he had to think of another reason to start. How bout the subject that make us argue the first time….

So Tuesday comes, he walks in the office. Walks out to see where my boss is apparently, because he never starts when my boss is around. So he comes back. I am getting ready to go to the printer up front because I just printed out an email. He comes in and says, “What are we working on?” I said, “I’ve already done two boxes of tools already this morning.” I actually did three but I knew he was starting so I was trying to stay calm and get to the print before he got the chance to start. He said, “Oh, okay.” Starts shutting the office door. He said, “I wanna talk to you for a minute.” I knew it was coming then. He asked about me working until 5. I told him I never tried finding a babysitter because I was told I didn’t have to work in the other office no more, I get to leave at 3:30 and I won’t have to work with him. I was told all this from my boss man. So the Plant Manager asked me when I was told that. I said, “January 2018 when we got in the last argument about this.” He said well I am the plant manager and I am telling you I need you to work in the other office and ramble, ramble, ramble, oh and this is no longer a $14 an hour job. The rambles is him rambling trying to think of ways to hurt me. Then he’s gonna say he is taking my pay? So I asked him about everyone else getting paid lunches!! He said that we weren’t talking about them. I said well I am. How bout all them people who work only 16 hours and get pays for 40 hours a week. So he tells me to leave his building.

And that’s how that when. Basically. So I am currently looking for a job.

Poems

This world we live in

It’s a disgrace that we live in a world

That can’t be happy for one another.

When you see your neighbors doing great,

Instead of seeing how much you can diss them

Why don’t you see what they can teach you

Let you in on how they can help you.

But no, we have this bitterness inside of us.

It tells us we can’t let them do better then us.

But the more we dewell on it the more it eats us up.

We are so unhappy we eat sleep and dream of them.

How did they get so lucky,

What makes them special.

But listen sweetheart,

We all have it inside of us to do greater thing.

The same people doing great,

Use to be us until they found their way.

They stopped putting down the ones doing great,

And instead they started learning their ways.

And the cycle begins with a new generation, while the old find their way.

Poems

Work Slave

Let me let you in on what work life it all about.

This ain’t my first rodeo and won’t be my last, no doubt.

See, the ones who work the hardest,

Gets all the work to do.

They believe if you can do all that,

Let’s see how much more you can do.

Sometimes you work 2-4 positions at the same job.

Why?

Because you’re the work slave, for sure.

When you are a work slave

They will make you do it all

For the same pay as everyone else

When you are a work slave

You won’t get no brakes.

They expect you to be there every day!

Open your eyes,

Look around what do you see?

No one doing their job but you

Facebook

Twitter

Searching the web

Is this how you get paid,

While I do all your work and mine?

I don’t get paid extra,

They say I’m topped out

But I gotta do 3 jobs shouldn’t I at least get paid double now?

Oh they don’t wanna hire anyone else because they getting the free work out of me.

When things get hard and I can’t work overtime everyday,

I have to leave at my regular time,

I won’t be able to do their jobs only mine.

They don’t need me no more.

They tell me they have to replace me

But they keep me until they find a replacement.

Yep that’s how the work life goes.

When you are a work slave

They will make you do it all

For the same pay as everyone else.

When you are a work slave

You won’t get no brakes.

They expect you to be there every day!

When you are a work slave

They will make you do it all

For the same pay as everyone else.

When you are a work slave

You won’t get no brakes.

They expect you to be there every day!

This poem/song type of thing I wrote one day after my job changed on me. I started seeing their true colors.

Mental Illnesses

Not having energy

Yesterday, I bought a pool and decided to attempt to put it up. You see the picture. My first time putting up a pool and of course I find out from my mom that I was suppose to get all the wrinkles out. I didn’t do that that. Haha. So that’s how I got my pool looking like that.

The point in the story is, I didn’t have a water hose so I was filling it up with a 20 pound bucket type thing. I was exhausted going from water hose to the pool. The bucket does have wheels though that rolls on the dirt very well.But lifting it so I don’t mess up the pool, was the hard part. After about 10 trips my bad was hurting, it was hot with the sun beaming down on me and I decide to go inside, cool down and relax my back.

I felt so bad because I never have the energy to play basketball or do anything with my children. I can get through one game of horse though.

Do you ever not have the energy to do anything? Other days though, I’m full of energy. Maybe everyone is wired like that?

It feels great to have a man that helps me get out of bed every morning and get something done. He works 7 days a week so he’s use to this life.

You have to take life a day at a time. Would you agree?

Mental Illnesses

Living with bipolar, social anxiety, PTSD and depression

Living with any mental illness is hard. I’m going to share with you my story on living with my mental illnesses. (I am NOT a doctor or medical professional) This is based only on my experiences.

I was first diagnosed with depression a few weeks after I gave birth to my baby girl. I went though thoughts on killing myself because I was unhappy. I loved having a new baby, she was and still is perfect. She slept all the time. I had to wake her to even eat! She was far from the problem. The problem I was having was, my child’s father. Before we went everywhere together. Yes even at 8 months pregnant we would walk 5-10 miles a day. I could handle it then, I was fit! After my sweet angel was born, her father, decided he wanted to go out all the time. The places he decided to go was places I refused to let my daughter be at. One day, my child’s aunt, (her fathers sister), asked me to go to the store with her because I never leave the house anymore. So I went with her even though my child’s dad was refusing for me to go. When I get back they decide they have to go somewhere else so it’s just my baby, her dad and I alone there. He starts telling me that I am a bad mother for leaving our child with him to go to the store. Last I checked, he was the father. So the end results of our big fight, I took both prescriptions of my depression medication. He called the ambulance when I was falling asleep. They told him to keep me awake. I remember going in and out on the way to the ambulance. I am pretty sure I was on their little bed. I remember the man telling me not to fall asleep. Then I was out…

I wake up and I’m in a hospital bed. I look and I see hamburger and fries on the hospital tray. “Umm, I don’t remember hospitals having hamburgers and fries. Am I still alive? Where am I? Where is everyone at? I’m so hungry, I’ll figure this out after I eat!” I finish my food, sat the tray down and grab the juice ‘someone‘ provided me. As I go to sit the cup down a person walks in grabs my tray and hands me a fresh tray of hamburger and fries. I am surprised that I am hungry enough to eat some of that. “Why am I so hungry?”

A nurse comes in to move me from the basement to the third floor. I’m in the basement of the hospital. Amazing!

I arrive to my new floor. A nurse comes in to ask me questions. I find out I have been in this hospital for 3 days. I slept through all of this. I ask the nurse to take the IV out of my arm that has nothing going to it. She said she was leaving and will have the next nurse come in and do it. So I laid in bed and waited. I waited and waited. No one ever came in. There is a women that sits between both rooms to keep an eye on the patients. So I slipped my arm under the cover and pulled the IV out. I get up throw it in the biohazard basket on the wall, and I go to the restroom. (TMI: My crap is black as tar. I find out they had to pump my stomach when I went to sleep).

So that was a mini story about me dealing with depression the first few months after I was diagnosed.

How I deal with depression: Luckily, for me, I have a fiancé that tells me to get up every morning. Some days, I just don’t want to do anything, but when I get up out the bed I always feel at least a little bit better.

I found out that there was a name for the reason it’s hard for me to be around crowds it’s called social anxiety. I feel everyone is judging me, talking about me, not liking me. All kinds of negative thoughts runs through my mind. But are people really thinking negative things about you? Maybe. But should you care what they think? NO!

So that’s how I’m dealing with social anxiety at the moment.

If they are talking about me, I don’t care! Their opinion doesn’t matter! They don’t know the person I am or what I am capable of.

A rough time in my life came a few years back. It was due to a relationship ending. I was just ready to give up. I knew I needed help so I went to the hospital and they checked me into a mental hospital. There I found out I also had PTSD and Bipolar.

PTSD they informed me came from my children’s father burning my house down. Also from the beatings I took.

I think how I really cope with PTSD is I just accept that it happened, it was in the past, and move on. It’s easier said then done I know, but with so much that goes on in a daily basis it doesn’t take to much to take you mind off of things.

I’ve always had mood swings for as long as I can remember. I honestly thought it was all apart of being a women. But no I was diagnosed with bipolar. For me, my bipolar changes a lot. I can be happy and sad within the same 10 minutes at a time. The longest depression episode I had was from January to April 3, 2018. Yes, this was the longest one I had. Being in this stage I thought that the world had finally changed me and I’m just going to be this grumpy person for the rest of my life. No, it was just a long bipolar episode. Now I appreciate the highs of bipolar. When I’m in my high modes, I tend to spend a lot of money, feel more free and wilder. I feel like a different person. It’s not all good though because in my high modes is where I feel the social anxiety the highest. When I’m down I don’t feel it was much, and I’m guessing that’s because I don’t really care when I’m down.

You just learn to accept that some things you can not change. Some things have no cure and you just have to deal with it the best you can.

My choice was I refuse to take the medication they gave me. I choose to deal with what these illnesses brings me. I believe that some people may not be able to over come the symptoms that come with some mental illnesses without medication. So I am not telling you to not take you medication. (I am NOT a doctor or medical professional)

(There’s still more to come on these topics)

I hoped you enjoy today’s talk and I will see you again soon.

A little this, a little that

Taking back your life!

Have you ever just looked around and wondered how you got to where you are now?

I’m here to help you get your life back, or get the life you deserve.

I was where you are right now once. I know that feeling oh-so-well. I was miserable with the person I had become. I was comparing my life to everyone else’s. I wanted a piece of happiness but I didn’t know where to turn.

Sometimes it takes someone else telling you, for you to realize you deserve better

Let me tell you a little bit about the miserable life I had. I was stuck in the house for 9 years without being able to talk to anyone. My children’s father wanted to keep me behind the walls of our trailer with our children. So you can say I may not have the best conservation skills.

One day, I finally had the strength to leave. The straw that gave me that strength was the day my children’s father rubbed dog shit in my face. I had taken the beating and the cheating but I had enough! I went to take a shower and got my government phone I had applied for that he didn’t know I had, but I had to get a phone because I was scared for my children and my life. I called a person that I knew could get him out the house and they agreed to help me get out of there for good. I called my mother to get me and my children and I left.
The weight that lifted from my shoulders was the best feeling in the world. I was free!
Now being 22 years old, at the time, with 4 children I was scared of what the world held for us. I will tell you to this date, I never expected to end up where I am now. I have a great life but he won the battle for my children. Everyone knew my children are better off with me but I guess the saying in true, “it’s all about who you know and how much money you have.” So my life is not perfect and it is still a work in process but I have not given up on getting my children back to their loving, caring mother.

The point is your life doesn’t always go the way you thought it would. Things change in life that you have no control over and some things you do have control over but you went with the wrong path, knowingly or unknowingly. I’m here to tell you the time will never be right. It will not be the right time to do anything, you just got to do it NOW if you ever want it to be done. The days, weeks, months and years are flying by. You will wake up one day and your children and grandchildren will be grown. Life will be different. So either choose choices that will make life the way you want it to be on sit back waiting for the right time, which will never come. The choice is yours, you deserve the best!